I was born in Sweden on an island called Gotland and I moved to Ireland when I was five years old. I went back to Sweden for a few weeks almost every summer to visit relatives and my grandparents. While I was there, there were some incidents regarding my autistic behaviour. All the incidents didn’t happen in the same summer.

There were two incidents that almost happened but luckily they didn’t happen.

When I was in my granduncle’s house in Stockholm we had a meal together and I almost broke two of his lovely crystal glasses. After I said cheers I clunked two glasses very hard but luckily they didn’t break.

Once when my granduncle picked us up at the central station in the middle of Stockholm I was getting into his car, I swung the back car door open and I was very close to hitting an expensive Mercedes car. Mum had to catch the door before it hit that car.

A very big incident happened one night when I slept in my grandmothers guest room. Mum went out somewhere and my grandmother slept in the same room as myself and my sister. I was very nervous because mum wasn’t there so I said grandma grandma and I banged the wall with my feet most of the night.

Once when I went on my grandmothers computer on my own playing games and watching YouTube videos I accidently deleted some stuff that was important to my grandmother and step granddad as I couldn’t understand how to work a computer properly when I was younger. I had to be supervised next time I went on the computer.

In order to help myself improve my autistic behaviour on my holidays in Sweden I made up rules for visiting Sweden. I made a list of things that I wasn’t supposed to do such as Don’t swim where there is deep water on the beach, Don’t open any car doors in Stockholm and Don’t delete stuff when going on grandma’s computer. I also made up a star chart for when I broke those rules. There were one or more stars for each rule depending on how serious it was.

Once on the flight to Sweden I held my ears all the way as I didn’t like the plane engine noise and the ear popping sensation. Mum had to feed me a bag of crisps as I couldn’t take my fingers out of my ears.

I also enjoyed my holidays in Sweden even though those curious incidents happened. These four photos are to show that I enjoyed the summer there.

One day I have decided to take a walk in the woods in Clogher near Monasteraden village to look at the stone fort and St Attracta’s holy well.

On the way up to the stone fort I took some photographs of the textures and moss on the barks of the trees.

The stone fort is 2500 years old. The diameter is 26m and the walls are 4.3m thick. The two underground passages are called sou-terrains which were used for refuge and storage in the early iron age.

This collage goes all around the stone fort. I decided to go up the steps to photograph each side around the edges.

It was very dark in the passageways so I put on my flash mode on my camera to see what is inside.

St Attracta’s holy well was where people used to get their drinking water. The lake was used to go fishing for the brown trout.

Now I’m doing independence training all the time because I would like to become more independent and have the ability to do stuff on my own. I am learning the important parts of independence such as road crossing, shopping, planting, cooking and doing house jobs.

Every day I plan my own day routine. I can make coffee and tea in the mornings for breakfast. After breakfast I go outside to check the mail. During the COVID 19 pandemic I wear gloves to handle the mail and I wash my hands afterwards. I decide when I want to do things each day such as playing with my cats, gaming, photography, watching movies and colouring in. I plan to take a shower on Wednesday and Sunday every week. I help out a lot with house jobs such as the washing up and gardening.

I decide what to cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can cook somethings without supervision because I’m very careful with knives and the stove. I usually cook very nice meals. I don’t panic when the smoke alarm goes off and I just turn it off. I’m hoping to have an kitchen extractor fan sometime so I don’t have to deal with the smoke alarm every day. Our smoke alarm is very sensitive and it goes off all though I’m not burning anything.

A few months ago when my stepdad’s old home stereo was malfunctioning I decided to look for a new home stereo for him online. I looked at different stereos until I found the right one. It took me a couple of weeks to find the right stereo as I had to think about the components and check if they have very good sound quality. I did all that work for my stepdad to help myself with my independence training.

When we decided to get a Chinese takeaway for dinner a couple of times I wrote a list of the food that everyone wanted and I phoned the Chinese restaurant called Yu Garden in Ballaghaderreen to make the order for collection. I did that so I would be able to phone restaurants to make orders in the future.

To help myself understand the value of money I always plan a monthly budget to see how much I spend each month. I write in all the stuff that I pay for such as food, insurance, transport, Spotify and online orders.

I have recently learnt how to tie my own shoelaces by looking up a video on YouTube about tying shoelaces in an easy way. I tie my shoelaces by making two loops and crossing them over to make a knot. I find the standard way of tying shoes very complicated. For many years someone else had to tie my shoes for me.

For years I found road crossing difficult as I kept getting distracted. I’m practicing on getting better at road crossing by concentrating on what I’m doing and looking both ways for cars before I cross the road.

I still have a long way to go to become more independent but I’m working towards that.

Difficulty with social interaction is a symptom of autism. I’m learning how to work on my social skills in many ways.

When I was younger I found my own way to help being around people and chatting to them. I made up paper figures of people from primary school by drawing them on a piece of paper and I cut them all out I made a paper bus by cutting pieces of paper into thirds to make up a bus for school trips. I drew lunchboxes beside the people with their names on them. I made the whole plan into a bus game. In the game there were days with school trips and all the children went on the bus. The children decided on whom to sit with on the bus. I put all my paper figures on the paper bus. I decided what each child was doing on the bus on the way to the destination of the school trip eg. a pet farm.

I have learnt to acknowledge personal space so that I don’t get too close to people when talking to them.

I used to feel awkward in a conversation with a group of friends and I ended up being the quiet person in the group. That happened when I went to my neighbours house one evening. I felt awkward in the group conversation and I kept reaching for my phone every five minutes. I decided to leave the group conversation when it became too difficult for me and I sat in another room with my phone. When I went to social events in the Ballaghaderreen community garden I realised that I should take part in group conversations instead of reaching for my phone. I chatted to my friends and I hardly went on my phone at all.

I can’t really socialise when I’m in headphones in a car, train or bus. The main reason for wearing headphones and listening to music is because of the engine noise. I attend adult services with the Brothers of Charity and I would like to chat to my friends more in the car. I know that the work car we have is very noisy but I have to chat to my friends anyway. Last year I went to an Advocacy conference in Waterford. The whole trip was by train. I have learnt that I can listen to music in headphones now and again on long trips instead of all the way as I have to socialise with my friends or family too on the trip.

Today we went on an outing to Killala and Easkey beaches. I listened to music in my headphones a lot on the car trip. When we got to a very nice road with mountains and views of Sligo I took off my headphones to look at the view and chat about it. When I felt uncomfortable I got upset and cried a bit over not wearing noise cancelling headphones in the car. When I calmed down I felt better and I did very well without the headphones for the rest of the way on that nice road. That was because I haven’t gone on outings in a long time due to COVID 19.

When I went to a radio course in Claremorris with my adult services I have learnt to start a conversation with the people doing the course with me on the tea and coffee breaks.

I can now go into shops on my own to shop for food and other items. I can also go into the post office on my own to post parcels. Now I have to wear a face mask in those places and work on my social distancing from people.

Sharing was a big difficulty with my autism. When I had to share my stuff I felt anxious, stressed out and upset. Sometimes I cried over having to share my stuff as well. I found it very difficult to share things such as my phone, my laptop, my Nintendo DS, toys, my bedroom and school supplies in my pencil case.

When I was little I didn’t like sharing my noisy toys with other kids. I loved those toys that I pressed buttons on and they made noises. When I saw other kids playing with my noisy toys I got upset and then my Dad told them to play with something else. Later on I had to learn to share my toys by starting to know that I will get them back after other kids played with them.

The main reason that I didn’t like sharing my stuff is that I was worried because I didn’t know when I would get my stuff back. Another reason I didn’t like sharing was because I was overprotective of my own stuff and that someone might take them for a very long time.

During my primary school years I didn’t like sharing my school supplies such as my sharpener, pencils, rubber, ruler and colours when my classmates needed to borrow them. I have learnt from my teachers that it is nice to share.

On some car trips I have learnt to share my games console called a Nintendo DS with my sister when her Nintendo DS ran out of charge.

When I was older I didn’t like sharing my phone and laptop with other people. When someone asked to borrow my phone or laptop I got anxious because I thought that they might look through all my stuff on those two electronic devices.

I remember an incident that involved having to share an item when we were travelling from Rosslare to Pembroke by ferry. It was around five years ago in the summer when we went on a holiday to England. My Mum’s and sister’s phones were out of battery. They needed to borrow my phone to look up directions or something else important. I wouldn’t let them use my phone. I got very upset and I cried a lot over it. It’s silly crying a lot over something like that because it’s only a phone and it doesn’t really matter. I have also learnt on the ferry that there is nothing wrong with someone else using my phone to look up important stuff when their phone is dead as long as I know them.

I have gotten much better at sharing now. I can lend my stuff to someone without getting upset and anxious about it. I let my stepdad use my hair dryer sometimes when he needs to blow dry a piece of art. I know that he is going to give it back to me when he is finished with it. I find it okay if someone uses my phone just to make a call in case their phone is dead or out of credit when I know them.

One day I let my stepsister be in my bedroom when she had to do something important on her laptop. I did very well at sharing my bedroom that time. A few years ago when someone was in my room doing something I got very upset because I thought that my room was invaded.

This is my third blog about one part of my autism. Every time I went on car rides I wanted to distract myself from the engine noise in some way. I see things differently to most people. Different types of music connects to people in different ways e.g When people hear circus music they may laugh and when people hear Bach they may cry. For me music has always made connections to roads as I wanted to have a distraction from the car engine noise.

When we had a car called a Volvo my stepdad used to play lots of music as it had a very good stereo. I first noticed music making a connection to a road when we were driving to a friends house. A track called Shadowman by the band Afro Celt Sound System came on the stereo as we turned the corner. The road was very bumpy so the bumps went in time to the beat of the music. Some trees and bushes seemed to go with the music as well.

After I have first noticed music making a connection to a road other pieces of music started to connect to different roads before I told my stepdad. Once I told my stepdad he found it very interesting and he wanted to know more about it.

When we had to get rid of the Volvo to get a van instead it had no CD player. I started listening to road connecting music from my phone. I used the in ear headphones that came with my very first phone. The sound quality wasn’t the best but I found that okay. I got some help from my stepdad to download some music to my phone that makes connections to roads.

Music making connections to roads has lasted me a few years as I could still hear the engine noise outside my headphones. I got very excited on days I have heard that we were going on a road that we don’t go on very often. The music always connected very well to those roads. When I became very obsessed with road connecting music I decided that I wanted to get over that obsession. It always had to be the correct piece of music to the correct road and It had to last all the way through that road. I felt that I couldn’t go in the van without music. I took lots of trials in the van without listening to music to see if that worked.

When I first discovered noise cancelling technology I had a thought that it will be beneficial in helping myself get over my obsession with connecting music. I decided that I didn’t want to pay the very high price for the two headphones brands Bose and Sony. I went for the cheaper options to get a decent set of those type of headphones.

Everything that I did really helped me to get over of the obsession with connecting music. Now when I go on car rides I just listen to a random piece of music at any time without it making any connections to roads.

This is another blog about another part of my autism. I will get back into writing about my photography again in my next blog. When I was younger a lot of noises used to make me feel very anxious as I have a high sensitivity to noise. I can hear things louder than other people could. I don’t like noises such as fans, car engines, mixers, buzzing sounds, loud machinery, beeping sounds and hand dryers. I have gotten a lot better now at managing with these types of noises.

When I went to playschool in Ballaghaderreen we visited a fire station for a tour and I had to leave the group before all the noise started.

I went to Brusna National School in Ballaghaderreen and I had to turn on the CD player as I would get frightened if any noise went on without warning.

A few incidents occurred regarding noise in secondary school mostly in first year. I attended St Joseph’s in Charlestown.

Once I was travelling in my principal’s car and when she got out she left the A/C running on low just to clear the windows. When I waited in there with my friend and SNA I got distressed by the noise of the A/C and I asked for it to be turned off. My SNA turned it off for me.

When I was in the Science Lab I got agitated by the caretakers lawn mower outside the school and I lost a lot of my concentration. I had to be taken out of the class to calm down and wait until it was over.

Once when the fire alarm went off in the school I crouched down and held my ears to try and block the noise.

When I was little I couldn’t go into a public toilet due to the fear of the hand dryer. We couldn’t have a hoover for years as I would be very scared of it. When Mum had to run the blender she told me first, I went into the laundry room and covered my ears.

I didn’t like the extractor fan when we were cooking at home either. I had to be reminded that the fan was going to go on and I ran out of the kitchen.

I have made very good progress now. I can tolerate a hoover in the house, I can go into a public toilet without fear of the hand dryer and I don’t have to be told anymore when the blender is going to go on.

The car engine noise still annoys me a bit so I got a pair of Noise Cancelling Headphones. They have very good sound quality. There is plenty of Bass and a nicely detailed stereo sound in them. I can enjoy listening to my music without turning up the volume too much. Noise cancelling headphones work by a microphone that picks up the ambient sound and they generate a sound wave that is the exact negative of the ambient sound. The two sound waves cancel each other out and create some silence. I feel more comfortable in the car with my headphones on.

I took a lot of trips in the car without them as well to stop myself from becoming too dependent on noise cancellation. It’s only a five minute trip to town from home so I prepare myself before I go in the car so that I can cope with the engine noise for that length of time. When it’s a longer trip I enjoy my music and movies with the noise cancellation on.

Since I have improved a lot at coping with noise I am able to do a lot of jobs at home that involve noise such as hoovering, drilling and using an electric mixer for baking. I can dry my hair with my hair dryer without being too bothered by the noise.

I still get a bit frightened by very loud noises such as a chainsaw which is about 110 decibels. When the A/C in the car has to be on the highest speed to clear the windows I get a bit upset as It’s too loud for me. I always know that It’s not going to be on for very long. I don’t really notice the car A/C noise on speeds one and two.